a lot to say on gretawire. you better do there because the rest of us are going there. see you there. tomorrow night sean is at all right. welcome to "red eye." thanks for the warning, producers. doing great. tonight this -- >> tonight are beautiful women becoming targets of fetish space freaks bent on creating inner stellar space colonies and victoria's secret? what are they hiding? the look that will make your soul vomit. >> and who is abducting our nude models and replacing them with replicas ? the stories hannity won't cover. none of these stories are on "red eye" tonight. >> let's welcome our guests. i am here with ann coulter, political common tater and author and columnist and she has a new book called "never trust a liberal over 3

especially republican." there you go. that's the cuff. in case you don't know what she looks like. that's her on the cover there. also on the show, tv's andy levy looking just like tv's andy levy. >> where is my book? >> bland. >> and bill schulz, still alive and rob long, tv writer and producer and the co-founder of the great website ricochet.com. >> a block. the lede. that's the first story. hey, greg, i cherish you. >> waiting for something else but okay. they put the kabosh on a car wash. a high school cheerleading team, is there any other kind and their plan to soap up sedans has been blocked by the san jose environmental services department because it violated water discharge laws. the talented pom-pom girls were hoping to raze money for a championship, but they were left high and dry. explained the manager, quote,

anything that is not storm water or rainwater is considered a pollute at the present time. if it goes into a storm drain the pollute tent will harm wildlife in the creek and the water goes directly from the storm drain into our creek. a little lesson for those who don't understand that. for those who don't understand what a cheerleader car wash is this is an example. here is another one. that's the car wash. i don't know if these are actual cheerleaders. that looks like cheerleaders in russia and we have some more. these are not cheerleaders. this is an auto show. good work. for those who don't know what cheerleading is, here is video of bill schulz's weekend gig at a weekend arena football game. ♪

>> i think -- >> which one was bill? >> good question. i speak for america when i say bill should leave news corp and work on his dancing full time. >> these young tumblers as i like to call them, they have had their dreams crushed, but at least the drainage system is safe. >> thank god you can drink the sewer water. you have to make somee the rules. you don't go to those car washes to get your car clean. you just go to watch them clean the cars so i would sell the photographs. >> there you go. a calendar, if you will. but i believe they were in high school, you pervert. >> they can charge more. >> no, they are not really in high school. that's what they always say. >> whek with the ob. check with the pob. is this the obama pho location

of america -- obamafication of america and should he be impeached? >> he should. i was checking to see how the group found out about the high school. it was uh pearntly anonymous -- apparently anonymous tips from the fat, unpopular girls. >> it could be rivals. >> no it was the fat, unpopular girls. >> you can say that because you are skinny. >> the skinny unpopular girls. >> i just wanted it to be spread out. >> you were doing sexy car washes for a decade and wearing nothing but tight jean shorts outside your apartment. have you ever run into anything like this before? >> they are called jorts. no, in all of my years of providing this service i have never run into trouble. the worst part about this is they did this in reaction to two complaints. and then the communications director for the environmental services department says anyone seeing a car wash

draining into a storm drain should call the stencilled number in the drain. snitches get stitches and we don't understand that. we are a nation of snitches and this is part of the obamafication of the woosies. >> exactly. >> so you are basically -- so basically we should beat up anybody who made a report. >> they could be metaphor cal stitches, but physical stitches as well. >> this is happening in a lot of stories we are doing. the company or the beurocracy and even private companies react to one or two complaints or one person on twitter. that's enough. if you can flood somebody's twitter stream with something you will get a response. or if you write a couple times and the people are so cowardly that they react. nestly -- inevitably this will end in mass warfare. >> they don't get a response from me on twitter and they have long, long streams. i send out a tweet and i know

it will upset the little darlings. >> you can complain and complain and complain and nobody does anything. >> and he has an infected stream. >> the benefit of not talking yet. >> car washes are the only way you ever take a bath. as you crawl through them on your hands and knees as nobody is looking because you are a dirt ball. is this an attack on american tradition? and do you like it because it is an attack on an american tradition? >> i like it because they don't have treatment centers. if you are in new york and anything bad happens to your water or it goes to a treatment center before the hudson, san jose doesn't have that. they have this rule. if you want little kids drinking these harlets' bath water, then yes this is a good thing. and second of all, yes, they are in high school. that means they are all under age and you are all pigs. i'm sorry i have to be the voice of morality. by the way, if anyone should be stitched it is your mouth. i like your car washes, but

not so much with the talking and more with the washing. you look good in jean shorts, but i don't want to hear you talk about "star wars." >> they are jorts. >> they are jewish shorts, andy. they were told to afro-beat it. a popular afro-beat band, yes one exists, was dropped from a halloween party for being too white. shokozoba, the name of the band and my ex-wife, said they were canceled last minute because of an on-line campaign of about 30 jerks. they said some students questioned the selection of shokozobah and it was a white afro beat band and the need to respect marginal liesed cultures. the sooner they made their community dialogue and despite the cancellation they will be paying shokazobah. i believe we have tape of

their last rehearsal. >> meow, meow, meow. >> she is too white for me. i will tell you that. rob, obviously the first band to appropriate another culture's music. >> thank god elvis didn't do that. >> exactly. i mean honestly if eminem showed up there would they have turned down eminem? >> probably. the weird thing though is i totally get it. it is ridiculous. college kids are stupid. they are all stupid. and then you look at the picture of the band and you think, i see the point. i don't want my student activity money going to that. >> i am having trouble with the hawaii an shirt. >> how are they too white? they are wearing sunglasses indoors? that's cool. >> have i to say i went to their website and listened to their music and they are actually really bad.

>> this is turning into bashing afro-beat and i don't want to bash of afro-beat. it is an interesting type of music and i have never listened to and don't plan on it. you have seen them a dozen times in concert. you actually follow them around the country, didn't you? >> i do and in a filthy vw van with my old man. >> it is literally an old dude on the side of the road. >> i want to meet that guy. >> they sold veggie burritos in the parking lot. >> i think they should claim a la california that they are blacks born into white bodies. >> wow, i never heard that. >> the boys can go into the girl's locker room and say i

feel like i was born into a woman's body. >> that's an interesting thing. that's the next step in what do you call transformational -- no andy? >> i don't see that happening. >> you don't? >> people saying i was born into the wrong gender's body? no, you didn't see that either. >> first i don't think a cat has ever said that. >> i think that cat has. >> that is an old garfield. i read that one. spoiler alert. monday lost. >> it is true. >> he doesn't like it. >> he doesn't like mondays. you played trumpet in an afro beat band. do you ever think about getting them back together? >> the band was called too funky for you. the number 2, the word funky and the letter you. >> it was weird because after the w it had a z.

it ruined it. >> no it made it better. >> i have mixed feelings about this. maybe you can say this is not a black or white issue. >> nicely done. >> that's all i have. no. can selling the band was stupid and don't even get me started on the fact that the thing is called the hype committee. i can't stand that. it is clear that they panicked and caved to pressure from a few people which is what happens now. on the other hand, you brought up elvis. you can't dismiss the notion of cultural prop -- prop operation and it does happen. you can't argue that a lot of black blues men died penniless whilens rich biding their style. >> that's why the college wanted the white band doing a by could pay them less. >> that is up there with the cat wanting to be a dog. >> bill, as the only african-american on the panel, what do you make of the controversy? >> it is interesting you bring

that up. as i am somebody from chicago or the suburbs blues comes from my people. i think i am pretty right on that. secondly, these guys got paid. even though they didn't do a lick of work they got their full paychecks and the school didn't have to hear it. i say everyone won and it was a happy ending. >> here is what i would have seen is a compromise and what you are coming from, andy and where maybe an imaginary person who has no opinion. >> get out of here. why don't you let them play to see how that affects the marginalization of the culture. why go out of your way to prevent that from happening? if you were right it would obviously -- it would obviously help you to see this marginalization of culture by this band instead of saying we don't want it here and you put the argument off, right?

>> why is it marming nationalizing as opposed -- why is it marginal liesing? >> have them on and we will see what happens rather than saying no petition and we don't want them here. >> this is not about the band or the music. this is about stupid college kids and their weird theater. >> that was the performance. they should get paid because they provided the the performance. now they say i am offended. all of those words, community, dialogue, indigenous culture. i mean it gives me the creeps. >> that's what you learn in college. >> the band met with some of the committee members. i guess it was before they had been fired. one of the band members was told that the band actually helped rach chet up the tension because they responded to the negativity. so it was their fault. they wanted to make them signed a contract saying they

don't discriminate on race, religion, sex, age, sexual orientation and they were going to make the band say this. >> i had a great idea. me in the middle of the stage butt naked. i slather myself with margarine and call myself bill schulz is marginal liesed. i let them lick it up. >> and then set you on fire? >> not that part. >> or otherwise known as tuesday. >> but i won't get paid for it. >> i will try to do this story now. why did they erase her smiling face. the obamacare cover girl is missing and the white house refuses to say what they did with her. what are they hiding? yes it is day who cares of -- >> obama-apocalypso care gate. >> it was a mystery woman greeting visitors to health care .gov. she became the face of futility and nicknamed glitch girl. on sunday she was replaced by icons showing four ways people can learn about obamacare.

one of them outlines a new way to enroll. according to the white house after you log-in you write the name of the insurance plan you want on your computer screen and then you commit suicide. where is obamacare cover girl right now? "red eye" tracked her down in her internet which is now her prison. >> never been happier. i want to get in that machine. andy, you have been defending obamacare and saying we should give it a chance. that surprised me. >> i know. i have been and like the rest of the media i hold obama completely unaccountable. i think it is the no name actress on the web page.

the kingpin of this whole thing and obama is blameless and let's get her. >> rob, should -- i mean is it possible she could have been murdered by the white house? i am just raising that question. is it possible in a realm of possibility that she was murdered by the white house? and i don't mean just the dc white house, any white house. >> well that would help. it could be. i am not saying yes and not saying no. i don't have the facts. i would like to see the investigation. i know no one is more upset or frustrated than obama himself. it makes me feel bad for him. bill, you were the face or ass of the website skinny butts .org that's how i discovered you. ever thought to going back to modeling? >> which was i, the face or the ass?

i think the reason they didn't released the name, before she was known there was threats on twitter regardless. they tied the nameless motto, this person on a stock photo to all of owe bay you ma care. and -- obamacare. as somebody who gets vit trail i understand it. and now there is an account called not bill schulz. >> somebody has to take responsibility. >> it has to be her. >> everyone in the obama administration is not me. i am mad about it too. i don't know who hired that company. >> i am starting to see it. >> andy, you are a stock photo model in the 90s. you did some amazing workhe beah your pant leg rolled up. it was incredible work. what is next? >> if there is one thing i learned is there is no such thing as bad stock photo. you discovered me on the face of a leprosy site. don't know what you were doing on, there but whatever.

what glitch girl did for 17 years before she was a stock photo model? counterintelligence. glitch girl is gone. glitch girl doesn't want to be found and we are not going to find her. i want to get to the important thing that we need to start talking about. shortly before we taped nbc news put out four sources saying 50 to 75% of the consumers who buy their insurance individually can expect to receive a cancellation notice. in other words, they won't be able to keep their coverage. can we play the video of obama from 2009? >> if you like your health care plan, you will be able to keep your health care plan, period. if you like your doctor, you will be able to keep your doctor, period. >> in all seriousness there has to be consequences for this. there has to be consequences for looking the american people in the eye and straight up lying to them over and over

again. he knew this was true. they said the administration knew three years ago this wasn't going to happen. he knew it wasn't true and he said it over and over again. there have to be consequences for that. you shouldn't be able to get away with lie together american people's face. >> what would these consequences be, andy? >> i would start light with impeachment and then you go from there. >> you start with impeachment? >> absolutely. you don't want to use a sledge hemmer. >> and light to moderate nipple torch. >> talking of consequences, i thought it was what you said to me and then it said stock photos. >> i don't know either. coming up, the d block you can figure it out. now i get it. tonight's speed block is sponsored by telescope, the op tau cal instruments designed to make distant objects appear nearer. thanks, telescope. and later, are kids more trustworthy of beautiful people? i don't know, but here is some hot chicks, america.

was he aware of the merkel affair? over the weekend my favorite kind of weekend a german newspaper says they not only knew they were spying on angel merkel -- merkel? but he approved of the spying. he quoted intelligence sources who said the nsa director briefed the president in 2010 and obama let it continue. the nsa is flatly deny tsmght they told the "wall street journal" that the operation was terminated after the white house learned of it. meanwhile in the latest example of edward snowden screwing over america the

spanish newspaper reported that the nsa monitored the 60 million phone calls made in spain -- i didn't know they had that many phones -- last december. they refused to grant snowden asylum. >> see if that is not bullying, i don't know what bullying is, and i think there should be an organization to punish those dogs. did the president know about the spying on merkel or did he not know or did he not not know. >> remember, merkel rhymes with erkle. >> merkel. i don't know if he knew, but there is nobody more frustrated and more outraged than president obama. we should just trust he can get to the bottom. >> i think he is upset. he gets things done.

if he didn't know we were listening in on the phone calls of our friendly government leader should he have? shouldn't he let the nsa do what they want to do? >> no, we know two things. he was the last to know and no one is more upset. but it is weird how he knows nothing. he is the last to know other than killing bin laden because he parachuted in and killed osama. he is always the last to know. how could he possibly be the last to know and merkel is more frustrated than he is. don't they have to keep -- they are either producing intelligence and if they are not getting intelligence, was this a big birthday surprise? here is all of this intelligence. >> merkel is at the center of the european financial -- it is either a break down and repiration. if you are going to spy on someone, spy on her and mean it. >> if they haven't presented it to him, the story does

president president -- the story doesn't holdup. >> "murder she wrote" i get it. >> they say they don't do the spying to gain an economic advantage and it is all for national advantage and that's their story and they're sticking to it. >> we don't believe obama is the last to know or he was the most frut straighted person. >> i believe both of those things. >> i believe it comes down to the white house kitchen interested in snitzel recipes. bill, nsa agents listened to your phone calls made with string and tomato soup cans. and you eat scabs. >> i don't know why they would waste time. >> it cost $500 million. >> i would never complain. i am lonely and will take the guests i can get. dianne feinstein says immediately, well, if we are doing it we won't do it anymore. they said don't say that. maybe you have spoken too

soon. i have a feeling that will continue and it worries me. if there is one thing my relatives taught me, germans do not like to be surprised. that is a bad, bad thing. they like order. >> andy, let's talk about this thing in spain. looks like your hero, edward snowden, has done it again. what a great guy he is. basically airing our detery laundry. >> i want to talk about feinstein. it is because i said over and over on the show that i like what snowden did in terms of the domestic stuff, but i don't like what he reveals. i think we should be dhoog to other countries. -- should be doing that to other countries. dianne feinstein has no problem with the nsa collecting bulk data from american citizens. i don't get that at all. if she is the senator from california or coitsburg? >> what is wrong with taking

bulk data? sear -- seriously. i am for both data in america and spying on those foreign countries. >> i mean, look, i think if are you talking into a machine that goes in the air it is not going to be private. it is harder to make it private than public. if you really want to get it private write it down and send it to somebody. >> people will be tearing things off and then handing it to you. >> i will tell you what happens in business you say what do you think of this person and they say i will talk to you tomorrow. if you will hire somebody and you say what do you think of this guy? they say i'll talk to you tomorrow. >> you know who the big winner is here? big carrier. >> and big carrier pigeon. >> if i can comment on what andy and rob said, why doesn't the president say that?

he says i have no idea. i am the last to know. >> he wants the nsa to shrink. i don't think he is defending it because he wasn't crazy about it to begin with. >> he wants to be liked by angela merkel and the other european leaders. i was horrified when i found this out. >> you say he is lying. >> i have to go. now it is time for "red eye" sunset of the day. this comes from san diego, california. it is beautiful. the sunset of the day is brought to you by vacuum cleaners. they use an air part to suck up dust and dirt usually from floors. thank you, vacuum. >> no problem greg. >> and helping us solve the mysteries of lofl -- of life with a space cannon. i don't know or do i?

did mom and dad take away the ipad? they are urging parents to activity manage their children's use of computers, tv and tablets. excessive consumption has lead to obesity, lack of sleep and murder. among other recommendations keep the televisions and the gadgets out of kids' bedrooms. limit screen time to less than two hours a day and discourage all screen media exposure to children to anything that

features clive owen. such a weird choice. apparently somebody was turned down by clive. >> lightning roooooouuuuunnndd. lightning round. >> they swrus push buttons -- they just push buttons saying i want to get out of here. >> thank you, lightning round. >> they are not a clive owen fan. >> i have to cut him off. i have to get home of the maybe we should have our kids consume more and see if that makes them smarter. >> greg, i'm glad you said that. i am a television professional. i produce comedy and i want to speak directly to america's parents. television is a wonderful tool, and i wouldn't beholding these glasses if i wasn't smart and didn't know that. it is a wonderful tool. do not let your children not watch tv. preferably broadcast tv and tweet about the products on those shows. thank you. >> i agree that you are

correct. broadcast tv is what can save them from becoming too occupied with these other gadgets. >> i agreed. the other gadgets are a problem. it is impossible to monitor what kids do on-line when you are not around. when i am not around my kids get into all sorts of trouble and mine are stuffed animals. >> you though these are my favorite discussions on "red eye" with five childless people. the best way to go about that -- >> have you seen kids these days? apparently parents are not doing a good job. maybe it is up to us to take over. >> i have advice here. i wasn't hesitating. >> my advice is, if you are married parents who aren't drug addicts or crack dealers, you are going to be doing all of this anyway. they are going through the back these crazy recommendations. i had a tv in my room growing

up. i never watched it, sorry, rob. >> i had a tv and i watched nothing but science fiction. >> fine, whatever you want to watch is fine by me. make sure it is on a broadcast channel. >> give your child one of those tv's that only get three stations and fox news. >> i was going to say. >> you can get fox news on one station. andy you are the proud father of two beautiful felines. what is your current family media plan? do they get to play ipad games all day while you are at work? >> who knows what they do. the place is a mess. empty bottles of moonshine laying around. nothing they say is a bad idea. it is common sense. limit exposure to media. >> i don't even know what the argument is here. >> we should be limiting the media's expose -- exposure to kids. yum tired of kids being interviewed.

why don't we limit the media exposure to kids. it will make life easier on everyone. they use the phrase media diet which i hate almost as much as i hate you. it is an idea that like part of my pop culture diet is i read entertainment weekly. >> he has been good, greg. >> i remember when i was a kid and my kids refused to get cable because they did not want me to be exposed to the evils of mtv. you know what i did? this is crazy. i went to my neighbor's house and that's exactly what will happen here. children find a way. it doesn't president matter how good a -- it doesn't matter how good a pair rushes they will go across the block. >> you left out the second part. you went over to their house and you tried on their mother's underwear. >> yes. this child found a way.

>> the tv was on. >> he does have a media diet. all he lives on is food from the green room. >> and the eating has not been good. >> i don't know. i think media replaced a playground. you see a kid on a sl-de and you think you must be poor because you don't have x box. look at him. he has to use like a 3-d video game. >> you see a lot of kids on slides. >> every day you come to work about a story about a kid on a play ground. >> dl is one thing i don't like about the -- there is one thing i don't like. if kids are learning stuff and using an ipad, great. that's different than playing a game for seven hours a day. you don't want your kid to grow up to be a nerd. >> there are shows on television, tv shows already done for you to enjoy. >> we have to move on. >> then you don't have time for books.

>> i am almost halfway through. >> is that a collection of your greatest columns? >> yes it is, greg. >> how long has it been out? >> two weeks. just less than two weeks. >> is there a tv show on in america that you have not appeared on to sell the book? >> "red eye" until now. >> and pawn stars. >> aim in the index. >> i hope so. >> i want to look at the index. >> alvin green. >> greg gutfeld, gorgeous. greg gutfeld, the smartest guy i ever met. so i am in here. >> when we come back we will talk about something joy of hate. there is another book, amazon.com. i look gorgeous on that book, don't i? gorgeous. buy it.

according to a new study children are more likely to trust attractive adults. researchers at harvard university found 4 and 5-year-olds showed a bias toward good looking grown-ups when seeking help in identifying objects. and girls were more influenced by appearance than boys, of course. the study's conclusion, and this is verbatim, kids are superficial jerks who should be eaten. that was in the conclusion. i guess, i didn't really read it. this was another study that builds upon the mountain of research that contributes to the war on ugly people. what are we going to do about it? >> life is too short. it does explain why children do like me. they gravitate to me and now they know.

>> have you the scientific research that supports that. they say it is a more robust version of morissey. >> thank you so much for using the term robust. >> i worked my way through the list of adjectives. >> i heard it. i am getting a little morrow bust. can you let the jacket out a little bit? >> brawny. >> now we are going in the other direction. >> you look like morissey's smarter accountant brother. >> yeah, this guy. >> i just don't know where all of the money is going, do i? >> a lot of velvet and lillies, i don't know. >> could it be that children confuse ugly people for the monsters they read about in stories? that's also unfair. >> well, poor ugly people and

you said it was the -- >> i am the defender of the uglies. i count myself as one. on a good day i am a seven, but generally i hover around a 4 or 3. >> you have had a lot of work done. >> i have had a lot of work done. >> you are adorable and i am not referring to anyone on this show, but i thought it was interesting that women or girls because they are showing children were more influenced by the attractive people because if you look at most news programs, totally, totally hot girls and really ugly guys. perhaps they should switch that. >> yes, but then i would be out of work. >> no, not you. not particularly fox. i am talking about some of the others. >> shepherd smith is sitting at home watching red eye and a single tear is running down his cheek. >> are you talking about piers morgan? >> i am not naming other names. if you look at the other networks the girls are

generally hot. >> and brian williams is hideous. you don't have to spell it out. >> you are really forcing me to name names, but i am not going to. >> andy, how did the plain people go about fighting back in society? do they need a spokesperson and couldn't you be the spokesperson? >> i can't because they don't trust me. >> why? >> i am not attractive. >> oh andrew. >> you are fishing. >> this is why we shouldn't elect good looking people to office. they sit there and tell you if you like your health care plan you will get to keep it and we trust them and believe them even though they are lyings to our faces. >> the other thing is i agree with you -- i don't understand why girls do this more than boys. isn't it generally given that men are more century driven than women and go for the looks? that's a weird thing. >> but you can see young girls who go through the justin

bieber phase where nothing matters but the looks. they go crazy. it is like hysteria. i had three older sisters. >> i don't think it goes away. if you bleep me i will give you the names of the males i am thinking of. >> we will bleep you. >> wolf blitzer. >> there is no female equivalent. >> females can't grow beards. >> have you of been to the carnival? >> have you ever looked in a mirror? >> have you ever met katie holmes? >> i didn't get that. she is not even married to cruz anymore. >> hey! >> it wasn't a very big beard. >> bill, all of your children ran away at age 3. is that because you are hideous? >> no, for two -- i will give you one reason i am not. they never liked me because of

my look, but shanayno did stick around and i think she was wall eyed and i sit in the center and she didn't see me. >> another beautiful explanation i wish i never asked about. the next big movement in society is going to be the ugly movement. they are the most discriminated against. if you had david duke in a room who is a racist jerk and halle berry came in and said i want to sleep with a slimy white racist he would sleep with her because looks trump bigotry. do you have a comment on the show? why are you here? e-mail us. it is red eye at fox news.com. >> i believe i am right. >> i know what will happen. do you have an animal? make a video of your animal doing something and send it to me fox news.com/red eye. click on submit a video and we may use it. coming up, our last story.

it's a doozie.

look who is here. coming up tomorrow on the next "red eye" we have return appearances appearances from brooke goldstein. hope she doesn't can sell and

mike baker. >> i hope he does. >> e block. last story. that's the last story. >> yeah, the last story. well, japan has a space cannon, and we don't. thanks, obama. indeed the land of the rising sun has successfully test fired a space cannon which will eventually launch a projectile into an asteroid. what do they have against those things? the goal of the weapon of mass exploration? nothing short of understanding the origins of the universe. japan's aerospace declaration agency will collect fresh samples from just below the surface of the space rock. and they say it has the potential of revolutionizing our materials essential for understanding the planet formation and the emergence of life. but they would say that. rob, are you angry nasa isn't doing this? i am ticked off if you ask

me. >> i am angry the japanese are doing this. we are space cannon. we have awakened monster. >> he is doing a godzilla movie. >> i hope he is not doing an asian impression. >> you were doing an old godzilla movie. i love the one with raymon burr. >> there was the white guy in the movie. unbelievable. >> that's how he ended up in a wheelchair. >> that's true. that's not true, but he had quite a come companion. could the secret behind the big bang be locked in an asteroid? >> we will never know since obama cut nasa so we have more money for phone operators to get expensive useless health insurance and obama phones and food stamps. no space exploration, sorry,

america. >> space from what i can tell it is boring. what is happening? i don't see good tv shows in space. >> your parent company tang came from space. >> just to show how independent i am, i don't drink tang. i am an ovaltine guy. what does japan's plan have that the script does not? >> it is boring. this is a japanese mission to find even freakier porn. they are done as far as earth porn has gone. they need something more and now it is space porn. i am not launching missions. >> yes, you are. >> call them disgusting. >> if that's the case german would have been in on it with them. >> and we know they are because we have been listening to merkel's phone calls. >> forget the asteroid. aren't you the only proof we need there is no god?

>> a, yes. and b, i don't believe this is a thing. this sounds like a weapon op tau muss -- optimus prime would be carrying. we had bad translators and we were convinced japan was doing this. the last i checked we didn't have a space agency. i want no know when everything started. if they can figure it out by firing into an asteroid you know what they will find out. it will be creamy nugget. it will be like one of the candies wrapped in silver. >> they will find out what they really want. >> it will be a literal milky way bar. >> the entire universe will be filled with half eaten asteroids. >> for another planet to discover. >> and really miserable, but obese japanese astronauts. why did i eat all of that nugget?

it was great. we have to go. we need to explore this. that's why the show should be two hours. i'm greg gutfeld. let's start another hour right now. welcome to "red eye." time now.

fbn, be there. you don't get it. >> demand it. hi, everyone. it's 5:00 in new york city and this is "the five." since obama care failed to launch, the administration's been the butt of ongoing late-night tv jokes. "saturday night live"'s been having a field day. >> a lot of folks have been talking about our new health care enrollment website, how it's been crashing and freezing and shutting down and stalling and not working and breaking and sucking. unfortunately, the site was only designed to handle six users at a time. so if you're in a